Funny MUD story I had to save/share.
This is for a MUD (multiuser dungeon) that my acquaintance (Suzuran, but Keika in this story) ran called AnimeMUD.
I remembered it and had a copy on my HDD, so I grabbed it and thought I'd share:
Code: The Grod Incident was a hilarious event that occurred when Erik was trolling for idiots one day.
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Ah, the perfect setup. It's amazing how bored I can get sometimes.
- Dave
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The corpse of Erik contains:
a pair of khaki pants
a black, unzipped kevlar vest
a belt made from high elf-skin
a pair of dog tags, reading [M.D.S.] and (MD-13)
a fingerless leather glove, insewn with the Blood Ruby
a dark blue shirt, reading 'Watch your back.'
a heavy pair of military-issue boots
(Glowing) AnimeMUD Championship Title Belt
Kick to the Nads
The Shinto-Buddhist Temple [Room: 3001]
You are in the southern end of the temple hall in the Temple.
The temple has been constructed from giant marble blocks, eternal in
appearance, and most of the walls are covered by ancient wall paintings
picturing gods and peasants. There is a massive Billboard off in the
distance. For a closer look type "READ BiLLBOARD".
Large steps lead down through the grand temple gate, descending the huge
mound upon which the temple is built and ends on the temple square below.
Equally large steps lead UP through a small door into the ENTRANCE to MUD
SCHOOL. (type 'up' to go to MUD SCHOOL.) A small plaque is on this wall.
[Exits: north south up]
The blackened remains of Erik are lying here.
Kaitoushi is sleeping here.
Grod has arrived.
You say 'BAD NEWBIE'
Grod wears the corpse of Erik about his torso.
You slay him in cold blood!
Grod's head is shattered, and his brains splash all over you.
You get the corpse of Erik from the remains of Grod.
You drop the corpse of Erik.
Grod has arrived.
Grod gets the remains of Grod.
Grod gets the remains of Grod.
Grod gets the brains of Grod.
You are carrying:
the corpse of Erik
the remains of Grod
[U.N.A.T.C.O. Issue] Duffel Bag
Discipline Box
A Gift Box
Grod leaves south.
Grod has arrived.
Grod leaves north.
You drop the corpse of Erik.
Grod has arrived.
Kuji snickers softly.
Kuji says 'dont get the corpse grod'
Grod gets the corpse of Erik.
You say 'BAD NEWBIE'
You slay him in cold blood!
You hear Grod's death cry.
Kuji snickers softly.
You get the corpse of Erik from the remains of Grod.
Kuji falls down laughing.
You drop the corpse of Erik.
You eat the remains of Grod.
You eat the remains of Grod.
You eat the remains of Grod.
Kuji says 'now that HAD to be a setup'
Grod has arrived.
You tell Kuji 'Shh. It's funnier this way.'
Grod gets the corpse of Erik.
Grod gets the remains of Grod.
You say 'BAD NEWBIE'
You slay him in cold blood!
You hear Grod's death cry.
Kuji replies 'rofl'
You get the corpse of Erik from the remains of Grod.
You get the remains of Grod from the remains of Grod.
Kuji falls to the ground and rolls around laughing hysterically.
You drop the corpse of Erik.
You eat the remains of Grod.
Kuji says 'here fishey fishey'
Grod has arrived.
Grod gets the corpse of Erik.
Grod gets the remains of Grod.
You say 'BAD NEWBIE'
You slay him in cold blood!
Grod's heart is torn from his chest.
You get the corpse of Erik from the remains of Grod.
You get the remains of Grod from the remains of Grod.
You drop the corpse of Erik.
You eat the remains of Grod.
Grod has arrived.
Kuji says 'grod you are dumber than dogshit'
Grod gets the corpse of Erik.
Grod gets the remains of Grod.
Grod gets the heart of Grod.
You say 'BAD NEWBIE'
You slay him in cold blood!
Kuji falls to the ground and rolls around laughing hysterically.
You get the corpse of Erik from the remains of Grod.
You get the remains of Grod from the remains of Grod.
You get the heart of Grod from the remains of Grod.
You drop the corpse of Erik.
You eat the heart of Grod.
You eat the remains of Grod.
Kuji says 'i cant take it anymore'
Grod has arrived.
Kuji says 'get it boy'
Kuji says 'ruff'
Kuji says 'go get it'
Kuji whistles appreciatively.
Grod gets the corpse of Erik.
Grod gets the remains of Grod.
You say 'BAD NEWBIE'
You slay him in cold blood!
Grod's heart is torn from his chest.
You get the corpse of Erik from the remains of Grod.
You get the remains of Grod from the remains of Grod.
Kuji says 'just fry him'
You drop the corpse of Erik.
You eat the remains of Grod.
Grod has arrived.
Kuji eats the heart of Grod.
Kuji says 'mmmmmmm'
Grod gets the corpse of Erik.
Grod gets the remains of Grod.
You say 'BAD NEWBIE'
You slay him in cold blood!
Grod's head is shattered, and his brains splash all over you.
Kuji gets the brains of Grod.
Kuji eats the brains of Grod.
You get the corpse of Erik from the remains of Grod.
You get the remains of Grod from the remains of Grod.
Kuji says 'hmmm, almost tasteless'
You drop the corpse of Erik.
You eat the remains of Grod.
Kuji says 'as if they were empty'
Kuji nods.
Grod has arrived.
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It was by now that I had set up a
"say BAD NEWBIE;slay grod;get all corpse;drop erik;eat corpse" alias.
Yes, this all really happened, I'm not cut-pasting things over and over again.
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Grod gets the corpse of Erik.
Grod gets the remains of Grod.
You say 'BAD NEWBIE'
You slay him in cold blood!
Grod's leg is sliced from his dead body.
You get the corpse of Erik from the remains of Grod.
You get the remains of Grod from the remains of Grod.
You drop the corpse of Erik.
You eat the remains of Grod.
Kuji gets the leg of Grod.
Kuji eats the leg of Grod.
Kuji falls to the ground and rolls around laughing hysterically.
Kuji says 'i could watch this all day'
Grod utters the words, 'uizuguburuhl'.
Grod fades out of existence.
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Oh, shit. He cast invisibility. Where'd he go? Get my glasses, Martha, the aliens are invisible again!
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Kuji falls to the ground and rolls around laughing hysterically.
Grod gets the corpse of Erik.
Grod gets the remains of Grod.
You say 'BAD NEWBIE'
You slay him in cold blood!
Grod's heart is torn from his chest.
You get the corpse of Erik from the remains of Grod.
You get the remains of Grod from the remains of Grod.
You drop the corpse of Erik.
You eat the remains of Grod.
Kuji says 'oh that worked'
Kuji falls down laughing.
Kaitoushi says 'why are you slaying him, not that i mind either way'
Kuji says 'he is taking other peoples corpses'
Kaitoushi says 'oh'
You say 'Because, I'm trying to train him not to loot corpses. He can't seem to realize that it's bad, after ten or so slayings.'
Grod says 'how do u do that'
Kuji says 'do what?'
Grod says 'kill me that fast'
You say 'Because, I've got a hair-trigger like a crackfiend on caffiene.'
You get the corpse of Erik.
You get a pair of khaki pants from the corpse of Erik.
You get a black, unzipped kevlar vest from the corpse of Erik.
You get a belt made from high elf-skin from the corpse of Erik.
You get a pair of dog tags, reading [M.D.S.] and (MD-13) from the corpse of Erik.
You get a fingerless leather glove, insewn with the Blood Ruby from the corpse of Erik.
You get a dark blue shirt, reading 'Watch your back.' from the corpse of Erik.
You get a heavy pair of military-issue boots from the corpse of Erik.
You get AnimeMUD Championship Title Belt from the corpse of Erik.
You get Kick to the Nads from the corpse of Erik.
You wield Kick to the Nads.
Kick to the Nads feels like a part of you!
You wear AnimeMUD Championship Title Belt about your waist.
You wear a heavy pair of military-issue boots on your feet.
You wear a dark blue shirt, reading 'Watch your back.' on your torso.
You wear a fingerless leather glove, insewn with the Blood Ruby on your hands.
You wear a pair of dog tags, reading [M.D.S.] and (MD-13) around your neck.
You wear a belt made from high elf-skin around your left wrist.
You wear a black, unzipped kevlar vest about your torso.
You wear a pair of khaki pants on your legs.
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Okay, I slipped out to help someone with something here, and this is what I came back to see.
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Keika says 'Erik is an immortal. He has a command called "slay", which you don't have,
that immediately kills someone.' in a high-pitched voice.
Keika says 'Obviously, he used it. Does that make sense?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'yes it does'
Grod says 'can i get it'
You roll on the floor, laughing hysterically.
Keika says 'What, the slay command?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'yes'
Keika says 'No.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'y'
Keika says 'I can't give it to you because it would be unfair to everyone else.
Nobody except some of the immortals has it.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'how the immortals get it'
Keika says 'Vorlin or I give it to them when we make them an immortal.' in a high-pitched voice.
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And, in the one killer line of the day so far...
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Grod says 'can u please make me immortal'
You say '...'
You roll on the floor, laughing hysterically.
Keika says 'No, you have to do something useful to get an immortal.' in a high-pitched voice.
Keika glares icily at you, you feel cold to your bones.
Keika says 'Please, Erik, behave yourself.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'like what'
You say 'I don't wanna. This is too damn funny to behave myself.'
Keika says 'Immortals are the group that run the game. We have to keep the players from cheating,
make sure the program stays running, maintain the note system and webpages, and lots of other stuff.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'please make me immortal'
Grod says 'i do anything'
Keika says 'I can't do that, though. I'd have to get Todd (Vorlin) to OK it, and then we'd have to call a vote.' in a high-pitched voice.
Keika says 'Besides, to be an immortal, you have to have a good grasp of English language structure and grammar,
and an IQ greater than your shoe size.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'well call todd and tell him 2 come over'
Keika says 'Besides, if we made you an immortal, you'd be unable to play the game anymore.
Imms can't participate in the game itself. That would be cheating.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'so i don't wanna play the game anymore'
Keika says 'Well, why do you want an immortal?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'cuz it kool to b immortal'
Keika says 'Well, OK... If I do make you an immortal, what do you plan to do?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says '2 protect people from stealing other people corpse'
Grod says 'an protect the system or the game'
Keika says 'Well, I can't call Todd right now because he's at work. So you have to wait a few hours for him to come home. Then ask him.' in a high-pitched voice.
Keika says 'Do you know anything about MUDs? Have you ever been an immortal before?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'no'
Keika says 'Well, that's bad; You also need some experience beforehand...' in a high-pitched voice.
Keika says 'Do you know what 6 times 6 equals?' in a high-pitched voice.
You say 'Ooh, ooh! I know!'
Grod says 'mud yes i know about mud'
Keika says 'Hush, Let him answer.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'what was the question'
Keika says 'What is 6 times 9.' in a high-pitched voice.
Keika says 'Err, 6 times6.' in a high-pitched voice.
Keika says 'Times 6.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says '36'
Grod says 'what is 6 time 9'
Keika says 'But you do know about MUD, right?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'yea'
Keika says 'Mind explaining what you know?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'yes i do mind '
You chuckle politely.
Keika says 'Well, can you at least explain your background for me?
I need to know how much you know so I can make a reccomendation.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'how long i been here'
Keika says 'No, how long you have been MUDding, and where.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'well since last month i been mud doing and at umsl'
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What a dingus. He thinks Keika means where he sits when he MUDs... Geh.
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Keika says 'No, I meant what MUDs have you played on.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'i play on'
Grod says 'pk week '
Grod says 'and some more but i can't think rite now'
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If he could think at all before this.... It doesn't show. At all.
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Keika says 'Do you have any programming experience?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'a little'
Keika says 'What language?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'can i pick up that'
Keika drops a grenade.
Keika says 'No, but you can have that.' in a high-pitched voice.
You say 'Go ahead, pick that up.'
Grod says 'no i am not falling 4 that'
Keika says 'Why, did you fall for it once before?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'i learn my lesson'
Keika says 'Well, what languages can you program in?' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'english'
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...
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Keika on IMMTalk: ROFL!
Keika says 'No, PROGRAMMING languages. Like FORTRAN or COBOL.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'no'
Keika says 'Hey, so, wanna see something else eleet?' in a high-pitched voice.
Keika says 'Pick heads or tails.' in a high-pitched voice.
Grod says 'head'
Keika says 'OK, Flip....' in a high-pitched voice.
You flip head over heels.
Keika says 'You lost. Sorry.' in a high-pitched voice.
--> Grod has just been FRIED! -TOASTY-
Grod takes a massive bolt of lightning!
Nothing is left but a puff of black smoke.
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Yet another day in the life of an immortal.. or just someone that likes to piss people off. Either way.
*plays Dragnet theme, drives off*
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I'm the system admin of this site. Private security technician, licensed locksmith, hack of a c developer and vintage computer enthusiast.
https://contrib.irixnet.org/raion/ -- contributions and pieces that I'm working on currently.
https://codeberg.org/SolusRaion -- Code repos I control
Technical problems should be sent my way.
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Raion
Chief IRIX Officer
Trade Count:
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Posts: 4,240
Threads: 533
Joined: Nov 2017
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